start pacing

I am officially freaking out.

I had two appointments last Friday - first was a meeting with the high risk specialist and an ultrasound, and second was a meeting with my regular ob-gyn.

My last ultrasound was three weeks prior. At that time, both babies were still in the breech position (head up, feet down - not good for vaginal delivery and they had been in this position for well over a month) and they weighed 5 lbs 10 oz and 7 lbs.

Due to their positions, my regular ob-gyn has been talking about the probability of a c-section for the longest time and I finally came to accept that a c-section it would be. I am totally fine with that - maybe even relieved. After all, a c-section sounds pretty easy. You show up at the scheduled time, they prep you, make a slit in your lower abdomen (just above the pubic mound) just big enough for a baby's head to come through, remove the placenta, stitch you up, hand you your baby for a moment, and then you suffer through a week or two of recovery and everything goes back to normal. Well, as normal as things can be with newborns around. There would be no mystery of when and how and how long. No waiting for water to break or contractions to hit full force. No breathing through agonizing pain while things loosen up and a baby descends. No pushing big babies out of a tiny hole... and yes, it's tiny.

Every health professional with whom I met said it would likely be too late for the babies to turn because there isn't much room with two of them in there. So, after my meeting with my ob-gyn a week ago, she decided to schedule a c-section for October 24 (38.5 weeks into the pregnancy). Having a firm date made me nervous and excited at the same time.

When I had my ultrasound last Friday morning, the technician and high risk specialist told me that both babies have turned. They are both now with their heads down and in position for birth. We were all very surprised that they managed to turn this late in the game. My first feeling was one of panic as I realized what this meant - vaginal delivery. They also measured the babies at the ultrasound to give us approximate current weights. The little one weighs 7 lbs 4 oz. The big one couldn't be measured because his/her head is too low in the pelvic cavity. Chances are pretty high that the big one weighs close to 9 lbs at this point. I felt more panic over the prospect of a vaginal delivery.

Later that same day we went to see my ob-gyn. We gave her the update from the ultrasound - both babies had turned and are in position, one is too low to measure, and they are healthy sizes. My doctor started talking about vaginal delivery and my eyes filled with tears. She said I could choose to have a c-section, but that there are less chances of complications with a vaginal delivery. I just listened. She reassured me that an anesthesiologist would be standing by and the operating room ready for an emergency c-section. She also reassured me that she would not take any unnecessary risks and that we would proceed with a c-section if there were any indications of complications at any time during labour. I trust my doctor and I trust her to know what is best. I will not ask for a c-section.

She examined me, as she always does every week. Things were a little different this time. Protein was detected in my urine and my blood pressure was higher than usual - both signs of preeclampsia. Suddenly we were talking about sending me to the hospital immediately and inducing labour. More panic set in. She listened for the babies' heartbeats and they both sounded fine. Then she did a quick exam to feel for the babies' positions. She said she could feel one of their heads. She also said I was not dilated or effaced, but that my cervix had softened. These babies were definitely getting ready to come out. She had me sit up to have my blood pressure checked in an upright position and it was normal - very surprising with all the panic I was feeling. She decided to hold off induction.

Assuming nothing happens in the meantime, the next step is for me to go to triage in obstetrics on Tuesday. They will examine me. If signs of preeclampsia are still there, then they'll induce labour. The doctor said I should be prepared to stay - that means bringing my packed hospital bag. If everything is back to normal, we'll stick with the October 24 date (Friday) and induce labour then... assuming the babies don't decide to come out sooner.

I am in panic city!