Month Four – February, 21, 2009

* edited to add pictures *

Dear BabyF and BabyB,

Today marks your fourth month. I keep thinking that in less than eight months I’ll be returning to work. I can’t imagine leaving you both for 8+ hours per day. Every day that I’m with you is a new day of discovery and I don’t want to miss a single moment.

Sometimes I feel guilty for not giving either one of you enough attention because the other needs me and also because I need time to myself to recharge my batteries from time to time. I feel like I’m forced to neglect you because there are two of you. Yet I wouldn’t trade either one of you for the world. And I’m hoping you’ll eventually get to the stage where you enjoy each other’s company and entertain one another while I’m busy doing other things.

I’ve started placing you facing each other in your little bouncy seats. Or sometimes I’ll have one of you sitting in a booster seat while I feed the other. You seem to enjoy staring at each other, but you both still seem to prefer watching me. Maybe that’s because I perform for you – sing little songs, babble away about nonsense, read books to you, encourage you to play with your toys, smother you with kisses, etc, etc. The songs I seem to sing most to you these days are “Amazing Grace” when I want you to calm down and go to sleep and “Do-Re-Mi” (from The Sound of Music).

You’ve both started sucking on your hands like they’re some sort of tasty treat. Even after you’ve had a full bottle of milk, you both still like to suck on your chubby little fists. It’s quite adorable, but also messy because you’re also both drooling all the time. It makes me wonder if this is the start of the dreaded teething phase.

A couple of major events have happened during this month. First of all, your father went back to work on February 2. That means the three of us were left alone. I won’t lie, it’s been challenging handling the two of you on my own. I continue to do my best, but there have been a couple of moments when the three of us were crying together. Somehow, though, we’ve always managed to figure things out and restore peace and tranquility.

The other major event involves only BabyB. Just a few days ago we met with the nephrologist to review all results of the various tests done in the last four months. BabyB, you only have one functional kidney. Now I know that may sound alarming, but the truth is that many people function perfectly fine with just one kidney for their entire lives… some go through life not even realizing they were missing a kidney. Your left kidney has multiple cysts in it and is not functioning at all. The good news is that your right kidney is in perfect shape and functioning well enough to compensate for the non-functional one. We were given more detail, but that sums it up pretty well. We just have to monitor the kidneys regularly. So, you see, there’s really nothing to worry about.

I’m looking forward to your first winter being left behind you. You both HATE being bundled up in your winter gear and you both scream and cry every single time we have to take you out. The warmer weather will require less layers and less complications and will allow us to spend more time outdoors – which will be better for you and for me. So let’s just hang in there for a little while longer and we’ll be having so much more fun once the mild weather hits.


Love,
Mamma

maybe tomorrow

Just about every day, for the past week, I have gotten up in the morning and said "I'm going to try to take them out for a walk in their stroller today."

Yesterday would have been an exceptionally good day for that - weatherwise. The sun was shining and it was relatively mild out. But their schedules were off. While BabyB was awake and cranky or feeding, BabyF was sleeping. While BabyF was awake and feeding, BabyB was cranky and needing comfort (sensing a trend with BabyB yet?). So it never seemed to be a good time and it never happened.

I opened the door a short while ago to let the dog out and felt the bitter cold in the outdoor air. I decided its much too cold to take them out today. The sky is grey and the air is heavy - we're supposed to have some freezing rain. That would make for some far from ideal conditions to be taking my little babies out. So it looks like we'll be staying in yet again.

I know I feel intimidated by the whole ordeal of getting them ready to get them out. In my mind it seems so complicated, but maybe I'm just making it more complicated than it really is.

I need to exit the house from the garage door through the basement. This is because exiting through the main entrance would involve going down a flight of stairs - not possible with a huge double-stroller and two little babies. I mean, how would I safely get the stroller down by myself with the girls in it? If I bring the stroller down empty (still very heavy and possibly impossible to do by myself), then how do I get the girls in there safely? I can't put one in, leave her out by herself while I get the other one. And I certainly can't carry them both safely down the steps at the same time.

So I absolutely MUST exit with them through the garage in the basement. This means I have to go through the following steps:

1. Make sure the girls are somewhere safe upstairs (preferably cribs or bassinette)

2. Bring their winter gear (and mine), their blankets, and their diaper bag with all necessities (depending on how far we'll go) downstairs.

3. Get the stroller ready for the girls.

4. Bring one child downstairs, place her somewhere secure.

5. Bring the other child down.

6. Dress both girls quickly. (Quickly because they HATE being dressed in their winter clothes and always end up screaming and crying.)

7. Secure both girls in the stroller quickly. (Quickly for the same reason as above.)

8. Cover them up, get myself dressed, grab everything I need (keys, garage opener, pacifiers, diaper bag with potential necessities) and EXIT!



Of course all this needs to be done after they've both been fed and changed and aren't feeling too cranky. Ha! Like that ever happens!

I'm going to keep this list handy so that just maybe it won't seem like such a daunting task the next time (hopefully soon) I decide I should try taking them out by myself. I can do this... really, I can. No, really!

swinging

No, no... not THAT kind of swinging.

Whenever I've mentioned BabyB's mid-day fussy period every parent has asked me if I put her in a swing. They are shocked when I inform them I don't have a swing for them. They have all sworn that it is a MUST. When J went back to work, I quickly became exhausted and frustrated with only being able to hold one baby at a time. So on J's first day off, we headed out to do some shopping.

We discovered that swings don't come cheap. The ones we saw (at four different stores) ranged from $99 to $179. That's a little steep for something that will only hold them for a few more short months. So my next step was checking out craigslist. And I SCORED! I found one in perfectly good condition listed at $25 and I managed to get it for $20. Who knew I could negotiate!?

The best part is not the price, the best part is that it DOES calm BabyB (most of the time). She absolutely LOVES that thing and that means I love it too! At this point anything that helps is a God-send!

So if you're a new mommy, get yourself a swing - STAT!

just the three of us

Today is J's first day back at work. I'm alone with the babies. They've both already gone through two feedings and BabyB has already had one poop explosion.

It's mild out - right around freezing - and I'm actually considering taking them out for a walk in their stroller. I've never taken them out by myself. I wonder if I'll chicken out.

Wish me luck!