Every time I'm left alone with the twins I feel a small sense of panic. I've made progress, though, because it used to be a HUGE sense of panic. Luckily I'm not left alone with them very often - generally not more than once a day for no more than about an hour at a time and I always remind J on his way out to hurry back. There will soon come a day when I cannot ask J to hurry back. This is because he will be returning to work in about a month.
I've been very fortunate to have him home with me since the twins' births. We planned this very carefully and agreed he should be home as long as possible right after they were born. So he worked very hard and long hours throughout my pregnancy and he accumulated weeks of banked hours. He also held on to weeks of vacation time. In addition to that the government allows him to have time off for paternity leave. This means he will be home until early to mid January.
I am already panicking about his eventual return to work. I think about having to care for both babies by myself all day and all night and I am filled with panic. What if I'm not able to do it? What if they both want to feed at the same time? What if they both cry at the top of their lungs at the same time? How will I console them both? What if there's an emergency and I have to take them out - how will I get them both safely out to the car? It all seems impossible even though I know I will just have to find a way to make it work.
I think I should start practicing during the next few weeks by having J leave me alone with them for increasingly longer periods of time. Eeeks! Wish me luck!
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I think what you are feeling is normal for any new mum - you just have it double!
But practising now makes a lot of good sense - it will help build your confidence.
I am sure you will be fine, Anna, after he goes back to work. You will be able to do whatever is necessary to look after those two little sweet girls. Cuz you're a woman, a smart one, and a strong one.
You'll be fine li'l momma.
You'll be fine.
Ponita - Thank you. I tend to be very organized and anal about stuff and like to be in control. These babies are forcing me to learn to go with the flow a little more. That isn't stopping me from trying to be as prepared as possible, though.
miranda - Most say having twins is not double the work of having a singleton.. it's more like triple or quadruple the work. I tend to agree with that.
Jonas - Thanks for the vote of confidence. Hey, I have an idea! You mentioned travel recently. Why don't you come to Montreal and hang out with me and the babies. ;)
Guess what, NOBODY knows how they are going to do it....except for those fortunate few living in a fantasy world of their own making.
As terrifying as it seems now, in no-time-at-all you will eventually summon all of your ingenuity and create a routine that works for all of you...you just do it. Oh yeah it's mainly trial and error and the girls will throw a few wrenches in now and then..but over the course of events you will all find your groove and settle in.
The fact that you are fretting about it and not complaining speaks volumes..those kidlets are so lucky to have you.
Babies cry, Anna, it's what they do. They can't help it, even if it's more about what they WANT than what they really NEED.
You're a super intelligent and resourceful woman. You will not like the crying, when it happens, and they will not like not getting what they want instantly.
But you can only do what you can do. You've only got two arms, two eyes, two ears, two legs and (if you're still breast-feeding some) two of those two.
You'll mellow out about their crying, you'll realize you can't give them both instant gratification simultaneously.
You'll come to understand that if they're crying, you'll know you're doing your best to comfort them.
You'll get that if you have confidence in yourself as a mom, they'll sense that and they'll get what they need, although that still won't stop them from crying.
You'll understand that so many millions of other babies won't get near the care and attention you're giving your twins, but they still survive and thrive.
It's all about how you approach it, really. All those what-if questions are good ones to ask, but the fact you're asking them says everything about the love your babies will know that they have.
I'm going to find my soother now, I think I want to fall asleep...
I have all the faith in the world that you will do everything to the best of ability and if you make a mistake that is going to happen, but I don't think you are like Michael Jackson and will be holding the twins out the window now will you??
Remember this you are just a phone call away from your friends that will help you if you really need it, but this won't happen, I have faith..
Warren
babies cry.. it is their job.. and it helps them grow.. and develop independence too..
Moms aren't expected to have ALL the answers.. believe it or not.....
i think you already know most of the answers.. like having J stay out longer and longer.. till your confidence builds..
trust yourself Anna.. you will be fine !!
morningstar (owned by Warren)
Donn - Aww, thank you! I'm the one who is lucky to have them. I feel like I won the baby lottery.
And yes, I've noticed that a lot of it is trial and error and that they do like to keep me guessing. Just when I think I have them figured out, they switch things up on me. Little rascals.
WW - You're right. I don't like the crying. I feel pain in my chest when they're crying and I'm unable to console them. I'm supposed to console them - I'm their mother. However, I'm learning to accept that sometimes they just have to cry while I do the best I can.
Sir - LOL... definitely no dangling of babies out any windows. They are much too squirmy for that. Thank you for the vote of confidence and for the support. :)
morningstar - Trusting myself doesn't always come easy. I've noticed I second guess myself a lot and follow the advice of others. I almost always regret not following my instinct. I should work on that. Thank you.
Darling girl, How well I remember that panic. I used to sit and count the hours until my husband would get home from work just to have two seconds to myself and a little bit of reassurance.
When both babies would cry at the same time I admit I found it hard to cope with. Try not to let it unsettle you because the babies sense your unease and it makes it worse.
When they were both inconsolable I would bundle them up in the pram and go for a long walk. The steady movement of the pram would comfort them and being out in the fresh air getting some exercise would help to relax me.
One thing my mother always used to say when I'd get stressed with the crying is "no baby ever died from crying". It helped. A lot.
I'd wish you luck but I have great faith in you that you will be just fine.
If you ever want to you can always email me. I'm no expert by any means but my babies somehow survived my mothering and are now happy, healthy 14 year olds. Can you believe it?
Romany Angel - I will remember your mother's words everytime I'm overwhelmed with two crying babies.
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